How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
