Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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