College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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