I think my vagina is haunted
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize