I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
