Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
