We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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