I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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