Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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