We named our party play list daddy issues
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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