I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
