The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
