I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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