I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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