did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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