Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
