Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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