Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
