I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
