i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
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