More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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