I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
