i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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