Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
