Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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