Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
