I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
