OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
