well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
