We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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