Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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