hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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