I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
