I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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