just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
