Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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