thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
