I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
