O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
