I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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