I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize