i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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