i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
