dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
