pedialite and red bull = repair kit
love makes seman taste better
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
