I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
