Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Randomize
