..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
