just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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