So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
