if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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