The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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