she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
