You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
