Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
