this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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