Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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