sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize