They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
