I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
