I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
