she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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