My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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