fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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