i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
