I am puke
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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