I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
