just survived the first fart of the relationship.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
