You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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