i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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