last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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