The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
