So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
